whats up 4 T0nite? hmmm……

hydher bdae has juz past…on the 8th 0f may……it was a hectic day f0r us on the 7th may…..hydher had t0 attend skul while i was on a missi0n t0 buy his present……running here and there juz t0 find the perfect gift…..a gift filled wif l0ts of feelings and meanings……there i was a bugis all al0ne str0lling at bugis juncti0n…..walking here and there…l0oking here and l0oking there but i c0uldnt find the perfect ring t0 gve him……walked all the way fr0m bugis juncti0n t0 plaza singapura under the h0t sun..i n0e i n0e…im crazy t0 b walking especially al0ne rite..?? hee! hee! well…i wasted my energy and tyme there…they had abs0lutely n0ting that i was trying t0 l0ok f0r…..s0 there i was walking back t0 bugis juncti0n…..f0und s0me ch0ices..but c0uldnt make a decisi0n……with my battery running l0w…called up my sis t0 mit up….

i was tring t0 decide the size 0f the ring…suddenly p0pped up fr0m n0where..hydher came n surprise me….it was a relief but disapp0inting m0ment…..he saw wat i buying him for his bdae…..it was a fucking diam0nd ring that c0st me my wh0le savings…..haizzz……luckily he was there t0o…..testing of ring size was a relieve……if n0t..i w0uld haf b0ught the wr0ng 0ne…..0o0opsss…then i will b in deep shit..hahahaa….!!!!

dinner wif my parents at changi seaf0od place….guess wat…??? hydher paid f0r dinner….stupid sia…ehk….maner la ader 0rg bayar sendiri nyer bdae dinner..gilerrr ahhhhh…….my dad was whispering to me that he will gif a h0ngba0 t0 hydher 2mr….dude…u g0t a h0ngba0 ah…..wah..!!

After dinner..plans were t0 g0 t0 Z0UK t0 c steve 0akie……s0 he dr0pped me n my parents 0ff at bed0k…..i was s0o0o eager f0r him t0 wear the ring…t0ok 0ut the ring..said s0me w0rds…..give him my pr0mises n there i was engaged t0 my darling hydher…..i n0e its n0t s0o0o r0mantic….psstt…….still cumming up wif the perfect speech……im stuck f0r w0rds…..hee..!! hee..!!

Later tat night..tickets were s0ld 0ut at Z0Uk..!!!such a bummer..Plan B….went t0 butterfact0ry..had s0me b00ze and dance 0ur ass 0ff…..it was awes0me…..b..i h0pe u had a great tyme 0n ur bdae….i h0pe that it will b a mem0rable day f0r u…….plz take care of the ring like u take care 0f me..its s0o0o w0rth by giving it t0 u….i rellie l0ve u…even though my l0ve f0r u has sunken t0 my heart….i d0 l0ve u….always…c0me wat may….i will l0ve u till the end of time….i l0ve u…………muackx…!!!

diamond ring f0r my precious one

take care of this ring like u take care of me....

u may nvr n0e h0w much u love that sum1 till u actually see them in a different light….i may be bad at tymes..n i may nice at tymes t0o….different problems have different situati0ns t0 deal with…..i n0e maybe sumtimes i did s0me wr0ng..i f0ll0wed my feelings the wr0ng way..but tat is the pers0n i am….ppl tend t0 l0ok at me in a different light juz by giving 0ne l0ok at me….saying that im fierce…saying that i l0ve hydher juz c0z 0f his assets….but….i tink 0therwise….i went thr0ugh s0o0o much pain n t0rture juz t0 pull thr0ugh tis relati0nship that i haf…..its t0ugh…very tough..but ppl say..its n0t easy being in a relati0nship…..certain feelings n mindset has to be pushed aside to make way f0r g0ood 0nes….i start t0 w0nder if its true….we are at the toughest part of our relati0nship….m0re sacrifices n t0rture is c0ming our way…….

sumtimes i wander t0 myself if being wif him is the right ting to d0…..im a w0rking pers0n while he still haf t0 g0 t0 sch0ol t0 nurture his educati0n m0re….0ur schedules clash….tings n0 l0nger is the same f0r us……its getting tougher as the days g0 by…it hard f0r either 0ne 0f us t0 give in t0 each 0ther’s lives….my feelings of deep l0ve f0r him has sunken int0 my heart n i w0nder if its a g0od ting 0r a bad ting….p0ckets r running l0w…..feelings are put t0 the test….w0nder hu will survive…..will b0th 0f us pull thr0ugh..??

…im still trying to find the missing feeling that i pushed aside few weeks ag0….i dun wanna l0se the feeling…..i dunn0e wat t0 say 0r react when i c him..everyting juz seem s0 diff…u can say tat i fil awkward….its true…im afraid 0f meeting him..hw shuld i explain the situation that i’m in n0w…..i n0e the feeling is there sumwhere…but where..??!! where shuld i start searching….??!! im in a mess..a h0rrible mess….what shuld i d0……???everything pass s0 quickly t0 tink b0ut it n0w…t0o early f0r me t0 get myself prepared….haizzzzzzzz……..its such a h0rrible and terrifying feeling…..y must tis happen n0w when he’s cumming hm 2mr..y??? its s0o0o cruel……

Its n0t always what u want that you will get….its difficult t0 achieve sumting that you kn0w that is imp0ssible…..even hardw0rk and determinati0n aint en0ugh……i keep falling every n0w and then…..i find it hard t0 get back up…..gathering l0ts 0f strength and c0urage is als0 a hrd thing f0 me t0 d0…its a hugebl0w t0 me…and i will never f0rget what i have t0 g0 thr0ugh….even slashing ur wrist can never c0mpare t0 the pain that i am feeling right n0w……its true that that the number 0f days are gr0wing lesser but finishing a day is l0nger than ever……saying g0odbye is the m0st unbearable ting f0r me t0 d0…but putting s tr0ng fr0nt is something that i d0 s0 as t0 make u feel at ease ab0ut me…s0 that u can st0p w0rrying b0ut me….strange things have been happening t0 me these days which i find hard t0 explain…

I d0 hate the feeling…..i hate spending every single minute kn0wing that y0u are n0t ar0und….2weeks and 3 days m0re till u’re back..in the back 0f my head..i’m still tinking of h0w i am g0nna react…..i fil weaker as the days pass…my m0od isnt that g0od..i’m n0t cheerful as i am bef0re….i dunn0e wat 2 say ab0ut the situation anym0re..i can tell u guys that this is freaking n0t funny and n0t fun t0 me…i hate it….!

Kn0wing b0ut it early bef0re it even started….hmm…i th0ught that it w0uld be 0kie..i just th0ught b0ut l0ve..l0ve is all i culd care ab0ut…i just never wanna let the chance g0 as s0on that i f0und myself falling f0r him s0o fast n s0o0o deep that it made me fall even deeper….reality hit me s0on after 0ur 2nd m0nth…..l0ve is still in the air f0r me….but n0 0ne can ever t0p t0 the 0ne that i have n0w..even th0ugh he says that he’s 0ut 0f my league n everyting..i think 0therwise…when im still with y0u….i feel that i can be better…be it my pers0nality..my l0oks or any 0ther fact0r……even th0ugh we may have different likings and dislikes…that d0esnt bc0me a fact0r in 0ur lives…l0ve c0nquered everything in 0ur lives….and i’m thankful f0r that…..

wanna hear a st0ry that i will nvr f0rget…??

as my cl0se friends n0e that i haf l0ts 0f ex in my life..s0me g0od..s0me bad….when i was in my sec0ndary days…i was heartbr0ken al0t 0f times…..i was s0o sadden 0f my life….i prayed t0 g0d that my dream guy w0uld cum int0 my life a l0ved me f0rever..take care 0f me….sh0wer me with his kisses n hugs n cherish me f0r all my life…..then hydher came al0ng…i didn’t n0tice it at first…but when hydher left my side f0r his j0b….i w0nder t0 myself if hydher was the 0ne that was sent by g0d t0 c0me int0 my life….my parents accepted hydher very fast n l0ved him…..i was sh0cked…c0z my parents  was never understanding b0ut me due my dr0p 0ut fr0m p0ly n n0t saving m0ney when i was w0rking….i cant say that im n0t 0verj0yed….but thanks t0 allah al0t f0r giving hydher t0 enter my life and f0r letting us find each 0ther after seperating in 0ur sec0ndary sch0ol days……this is all true..i swear that ever w0rd i say is true…

But since hydher has went away..i’ve been w0ndering and tinking b0ut my life……i’ve n0t certain my decisi0n yet..but h0pe allah give me his bessings……

after meeting mom in law yest…made me realli3 tink 0f my relati0nship wif hydher..im quite sadden that i had to wake up to reality tat my life will be the same..will be like this….my l0ve will have to c0me n g0 again n again….i dunn0e if im up for it…i l0ve him wif all my heart but in life….when u l0ve that sum1..sacrifices haf to b made..even if u haf to leave tat pers0n…..i hate d0ing tis…..im still tinking b0ut the matter 0ver n 0ver again juz t0 certain my decisi0n……u can say that im afraid…im full of fear….i am…im n0t denying….h0ney…im s0rry if u haf t0 read all tis..im realli s0ry….i n0e myself tat im str0ng…..but sumtimes..being str0ng juz ain’t en0ugh…..will still l0ve u with all my weak hart…..mmuackxxxx!!!!

2day is the day that hydher left me..i am totally sadden by the situation that we have to through….i am having breakdowns..i juz wanna kip the tears in…i am trying to refrain myself 4r0m inviting any trouble that may disappoint hydher…..hydher trust me alot…i wan to prove it to him tat i am wat he say..i want to b faithful..i wan to be sum1 that he can look n tink that i am the gurl 4 him..i am sum1 hu can adapt to his lifestyle n to his career…b…if u haf  a chance of reading my blog..i juz wanna say that i will wait 4 u..i will love u..i will remember u……gif a a huge hug when u cum back…..its juz the 1st day yet i am s000 impatient……hee!!!….L0VE YOU HONEY..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lately..i’ve been feeling kinda low in l0ve…i tink t0o much b0ut my relationship that i tend to lose the spark between us…it’s kinda weird….but i h0pe it’s n0ting seri0us….i’m left wif less than 2 weeks b4 i will nvr c u 0r feel u again…..em0ti0ns are gushing in and out of my hart….i can say that i am em0ti0nally unstable…..al0t 0f tings haf been happening in my family….n it juz adds m0re int0 my mind……

T0day…hydher n i went to pastamania d0wnt0wneast again….to have dinner…well we change 0ur desire for f0od t0day..hydher had the chx ham n cheese crumble..while i had the meatballs spaghetti…hmmmm..yummy!!! had a 15% disc there..c0ol…save duit ckit..wakaka!!! evil biatch!!! it was supper delicious….f0r the first tyme..i ate faster than hydher..hahakx…w0o-h0o!! super hungry sia!! but…shit!!! supp0se t0 have desert at TCC…but we 4g0t..nvm..there’s always a nxt tyme….had a sm0ke wif his fwen n headed f0r the car….Th0t 0f g0ing to play p0ol at bugis but..bestie called….decide to go b0wl at d0wnt0wn…s0 there it was..heading back to d0wnt0wn again!!! hahakx..!!! we played 3 games each..imagine h0w 0ur fingers were s0re…hmph!!!! GUess wat guys!!!! hydher beat me f0r 2 freaking r0und! ASSH0LE!! hehe..!!! g0od ah u darling..takpe2….kasi u chance ah..! hmph! seeing namierah n hydher b0wl juz hum0rs my day..haha!! s0ry guys..!! its the truth…hee!! Hey! but i had fun k..nxt is p0ol…pr0miz ah!!! 0o0o..n0t 4getting….hey bestie..i 0we u dinner at Se0ul Garden….make app0intment k k k….!! G2g 4.15am….nid s0me rest f0r werk..!!! signing 0ff..bye!!!

Im happy and relieved that my parents are accepting hydher as part of the family…it realli means alot to me n hydher…it was a sm0oth-sailing j0urney for hydher…as what hydher had p0sted up at his blog….if u guys wanna n0e wat happen..refer to his bl0g….

Last 2 days..i spent my time with hydher by the beach…it was a r0mantic m0ment for us….we shared inner feelings within each other…and we realli realised that we b0th are realli c0mmitted to each 0ther…and we cant bear to leave each 0ther…alth0ugh his sailing trip is c0ming nxt m0nth….i will try my freaking best to remember him so that he will always be etched to my mind and my s0ul….i know myself too well that 0ne day i will 4get b0ut him n 0ne day i will remember him..i kn0w that i will have l0ts 0f breakd0wns…but i just h0pe that my busy w0rk schedule will b able to kip me 0ccupied…it was a day 0f sadness f0r us….i felt soo sadden when i saw hydher cried rite in fr0nt 0f my eyes….im sure that it was hard f0r him t0 shed tears f0r a gurl..but…he did cried…seeing him like this made me realise h0w much i meant t0 him….i was t0uched….baby…i will always l0ve u…..i pr0miz u that…even th0ugh ur presence is n0t there wif me…i will always remember ur t0uch n ur kiss……

0ur anniversary date will be c0ming up s0on…which is this friday..i have n0 idea where he will be taking me 0ut f0r dinner..im sure that he will m0ve me by his sincerity…..he is juz a charming lil bastard….surprises will b waiting 4 me….hehe..!! s0ry b..but i will always ruin ur surprises..!!hehe!! will update u guys 0n h0w the anniversary date went….hehe..!!! cant wait…c0untd0wn…!!!which is t0m0r0w!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!